Monday, November 10, 2008

Nokia Nuffnang Silent Halloween Rocks!

Seven years ago, I left the Oscars empty handed. Not only did I not win the Golden Statue, I got ridiculed for coming in my beautiful swan dress that darling Marjan Pejoski made for me. How should I know water foul wasn't the IN thing anymore? Everyone still loves Swan Lake, don't they? I felt so insulted. Bias much? Just because I don't turn into a real swan when the sun comes out doesn't mean I can't rock feathers and a beak. Hmph.

Luckily people now know a gorgeous dress when they see one. I was invited for Nokia Nuffnang Silent Halloween party at Borneo Baruk Club in Malaysia. I've not been there before, so what the heck, all I needed to do was fly there anyway. The theme they set was something on the line of Horrific Celebrities, so all I had to do was turn up (the celebrity part), and once they see how much weight I've gained that will satisfy the horrific part.

I wasn't sure whether the young people would recognize me though, since most of my music and movies were released when most of them were still crawling around in their diapers. Kids nowadays. How can you consider Britney Spears or Soulja Boy's rubbish as music? So, to jog their memory I decided to wear my infamous Swan dress. Although I gave it up for a charity auction 3 years ago and darling Marjan was going through a black phase, how hard can it be to recreate the dress? Some feathers, tulle, glue and paint and voilĂ ! my dress is done.

So, on November 1st, I flew down to Kuala Lumpur, and the moment I stepped into the club, I was told I was unanimously voted the most fashionable one there. Finally! Recognition! If Milan's the fashion capital, Malaysia's the fashion critique capital. Only they know the true meaning of Fashion.


As the most fashionable there, I was given 5 pairs of movie tickets. They weren't valid outside of Malaysia, so I shared them with the best mummy wrappers in the party.

I met quite a few other stars there (youngsters, mostly). Who knew Nuffnang could grow so big, so quickly?


With a Jabbawookie dancer. I've to remember to call them to dance for my next music video.


Ayumi Hamasaki was also there, with someone trying to pass for dear Kurt Cobain (you forgot a tiny detail dearie. Kurt's dead). Don't ask me who that guy in purple was. Ask my people.


I think Paris Hilton forgot to wax that night. Poor dear. I hope she remembered her panties this time.


Michael Jackson was also there. Got his nose back I see.


Now here's the real Kurt. Notice the contracted pupils, and gunshot wounds on his head? A through and through if I'm not mistaken. I didn't take a photo with him, the rotting stench was a little too overwhelming.

Kurt wasn't the only undead that jumped on the Nuffnang bandwagon. Look who I spotted on the stage (minus a few pounds)?

Elvis, King of Rock n' roll and from what I saw that night, dirty dancing.

The only "dead" celebrity that I dared take a photo with was with

Marilyn Monroe. Men, they still don't know what in the world (or underworld) perfume is for.


All right now, enough of other celebrities. Let's give the little people their 5 minutes of fame.

The group who handed me my sash.


My #1 fan.


Best dressed couple (as voted by me, the most fashionable), Capt David and Hsu Jen.






Someone tell me what shampoo he uses.




Now this is one special person. Not only did he dress up as my favourite vampire, Lestat de Lioncourt, but he was also letting everyone play with the unreleased Nokia XpressMusic 5800 mobile phone. Now, to explain my extremely happy facial expression. That is the best phone I have held in my hands. I was just about to toss my iPhone into the bin until he stopped me and reminded me that the 5800 wasn't out in the market yet. And there I was, batting my eyelashes like mad, hoping he'll give me the phone. Sigh. My looks just isn't as good as before. If everything I was told was true, the only thing the iPhone has over the 5800 is that it's already available, while we have to wait to get our hands on the 5800. Don't believe me? Read this.

Oh! I'll have to stop here. My assistant just told me it's time for my speech here in Brussels.

Goodbye for now, and don't stop loving me!

xoxo,
Bjork.

Update: Read my speech here, and see the rest of the photos my people took from the party here and here.

1 Comments:

At 11 November, 2008 03:33 , Blogger klubbkidd said...

hey babe! cobain aka me did not reek a foul stench ok! huahuahua. i had on my versace dreamer! the dead can smell good! LOL!

 

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