Wednesday, April 29, 2009

what I'm up to

I've to more to collect from the post office. =D

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Hand written

(Written some time ago, a week or so before my midterms)

I'm sitting in Mc Donald's as I'm writing this. Yes, write, not type (unless you want to get me a laptop, I won't mind). Finished breakfast and to kill time I'm studying but when I reached the last chapter, a wave of emotions blew me off course.

Not very sure what brought this on, but if it's what I think it is, I'm falling back into that position again.

I'm so topsy turvy. Others played around when they were younger and settled down when they mature, but for me, hah. The longest time I had feelings for someone was my first crush back in primary school all the way to secondary. Four years. I know, weird.

Past couple of years haven't been good to me emotionally. It's like being on a superbly long roller coaster ride. There was even a point where I was tearing myself apart trying to choose between three very different individuals, one who's older, another of my age and one a couple of years younger. Stupid thing is, it's probably all only me. Solo tango dancer here, thank you very much.

Never in my life would I have thought I will fall for someone younger, so yes, I shocked myself too when I realised. I do still have some feelings for the boy, but I think it's for the wrong reasons.

A friend sent me a piece he was writing, on ambulance skirt chasers. How Guy falls for Girl, Girl gives mixed signals, Buy can't take it anymore and professes his feelings, Girl replies with a "Maybe". Oh how I understand how Guy feels.

Why do you like playing tug-of-war with my heartstrings?

(Oh, and did you know heartstrings are physical parts of your heart? Yup, it is possible to literally tug on people's heartstrings, but I hope you're their surgeon)

I'm rambling.

Happens when I have a truckload of thoughts going through my mind.

If only thinking of points to write for my assignments were this easy.

I've had thoughts of just running away from everything. Quit everything I'm in, make new social circles, a whole new life. But that's so unfair to others and hypocritical of me. Telling another to bear with it and evolve, but not doing it myself? Where can la.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Megahaul, finance-wise.

  • DiorSnow Perfect White UV Control Base SPF35 - RM40 (Retails at around RM150)
  • DiorSnow Perfect White UV Control Base SPF50 - RM60 (Retails at around RM150 too I guess?)
  • DiorAddict Ultra-gloss Reflect in Trenchcoat Beige - RM33.34 (No clue how much, but a Dior gloss coming to only slightly above normal? Cheapo!)
  • DiorSnow Whitening Powder SPF30 - RM75 ((Retails at around RM180)
All new stock, except for the DiorSnow Perfect White UV Control Base SPF35 which was manufactured in 2006.

All chosen and paid for in less than two hours.

Add a sample-sized mascara from Lancome (they were promoting their vibrator oscillating wand mascara) and a voucher for a free brow trimming, valid until there are no Lancome counters left in Malaysia.

All that for about RM200.

Add having a chance to win zomb a whole bowl pail bucket bunch of stuff from beautyholicsanonymous just by writing a comment on the best birthday gift I've ever received, and getting double the chance for writing this single extremely, very, damn long sentence? Ahhh.


Much needed glimmer of happiness after all the not-so-happy news I've been getting.
Heading up to Ipoh this Friday evening.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Selflessness isn't easy.

I want to make him change his mind,
make him fight,
make him stay with us longer.

I miss the times he ask me to step on his back.
I miss the times I believed he was preggers with his beer belly.
I miss making him put out the ciggie he just lit.
I miss trying to help him out at the coffeeshop.
I miss hearing his laughter.
I miss seeing him smile.

I want to make him stay.

But I don't want him to suffer.

Psychosocial moratorium. Do I want to be selfish and make him promise to fight, or do I want to be selfless and don't make him suffer longer?

I want him to stay. I want him to say my name clearly again. I don't want him to suffer anymore.

Friday, April 17, 2009


This was yet another handwritten post. Going to uni way before classes start has it's pros as well.

I need to remember to start writing dates on them.


I'm sitting in a small, empty tutorial room. It's 7.30AM.
The lights are turned off, it's fairly quiet. The only consistent noise I hear is the sound of the exhaust fan spinning.

My eyelids are tempted to remain closed every time I blink, and I was supposed to finish my part of a group proposal before today.

Yet, here I am. In the dark, empty room, writing this, using a modernized fountain pen that has my name inscribed on the cover.

My shoes are off, I wiggle my toes, I yawn.

Am I happy or am I sad? I feel content, yet not. Bored, yet not wanting any distractions. Tired, but I don't want to fall asleep.

It's like all I want to do is to stare at a corner and think of myself, of all unimportant things.

Will I ever get my extra two inches in height? Can I ever accept our age difference? Do I really want to care about her so much? Is this ink waterproof? How much more do I need to practice using this pen? Why isn't the ink flowing out in a constant thickness? Is it because of my writing? Should I put a lock on my blog? Will I regret staying in the wings? Will I adore being in the spotlight? Will I hate the attention? Am I jaded with **ers, or am I just tired of everything? Will I ever watch IT again?

Questions questions questions.

My handwriting is looking more and more like the scratches a chicken makes while looking for worms. Little Chicken to be precise, since he likes dancing so much.

My hand's tired (Then and now, 8 full pages of text written for my exam yo!)

Can I submit this instead of a proper counseling journal? (The answer's no, and I didn't.)

Should I eat?



Which way are you tilting your head?

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Copy here?

There's a post I just put up on a private blog that I share with two others.

I feel like ctrl+c and ctrl+v-ing it here.

But I know I shouldn't.

Some humiliating things should be kept private.

Some should not.

Remember this Jatians? Rofl! I miss those days. So stress free compared to now. :(

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Happy Easter

Have fun in the egg hunt!

I don't have to hunt for them, I already know where they are.

In my ovaries. XD

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Free class in HELP's Bpsych program.


Only subject I aced in my first year.

Other fellow students trying to beat my score:

Unknown, Jerome, Seth, Prakash.

Faust (He failed btw), Kia Vin.

Kellen (he's getting quite good. Middle row right in front of the lecturer plus bright light in face. Good job Kellen).

Adam. He needs to work on it abit. Corner furthest away from the lecturer, and it's bloody dark there.

Sunday, April 05, 2009


Kroko's supervising.

"Dei, get back to work! Half the packet left!"

His POV (Point of View)


Thank goodness my sis helped towards the end, or I'll probably still be sorting them out.

Friday, April 03, 2009

Hate is to strong a word

Dislike suites how I feel about her better.

Whichever group I'm in, she just has to mosey on along and invite herself.

Not only that, but she will call even more people until the final headcount can be doubled.

Neither do I like two faced-ness.

Nor her quick decision making. As in, she'll agree with whatever you say, even if she just told you the opposite.


I take back my words. Hate is the word I want.

I'm not the only one who realized she changes her opinions in a flash. They (yes, they, as in more than one they) also realised that whenever they tell her their opinion doesn't match hers, she will change it quicker than you can say Boo!

"Eeyer so ugly that dress"

"Quite nice lo I think, if paired with a nice clincher"

"Ya ya, the pattern and colour matches nicely"

Wtf. Have more faith in your decisions please. It's not like we'll shun you for having different opinions. And please, find your own style, stop copying ours to the dot. Why do you think I've stopped giving you my opinions everytime you ask it of me?

There's a reason to why I keep on saying Hey, our style's are very different, so stop asking me.

If you still can't think of the reason, I'll spell it out for you.


Stop.Copying.Me. (Like in the song, copy Britney, don't copy me)


Sheesh. Mengada betul perempuan tu.

Thursday, April 02, 2009

Birthday gifts.


eoeOnline; Wei Lyn; Szen, Khye, Alvin, Zhen, and I think I'm missing some.

JonBon and Drian.

Hannah *burp* :D ; JonBon and Drian; Derrick and Xing; Stace and Jerrick; Steph, "Piak" Yee, Mel, Mad.

Plus mom and dad, kor and che, uncles and aunts.

Add in a gazillion wishes and greetings from around the world.

Happy Fly.

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Scouts' Honor..Broken

Well, good thing I was never one then. XD

I'm on the fence on what type of postage I should use for future web purchases (Online shopping addict here).

For stuff which originate from Malaysia itself, people tend to use only one of three options: Normal registered post, Pos Ekspres or Pos Laju.

Now, to use the one that requires the recipient to sign it, or the one that does not? Or the slower one as compared to faster options?

Registered post and Pos Laju both will need a signature, but Pos Ekspres and Pos Laju are the faster options. On the other (the third one?) hand, it seems that only Pos Laju gives you the option of getting them to redeliver your package on your choosen date. However, Pos Laju is also the most expensive option.

Sigh. And I think Daddy aka Chouffer will get angry if I told him I need to get something from the Post Office... again.