Thursday, April 23, 2009

Hand written

(Written some time ago, a week or so before my midterms)

I'm sitting in Mc Donald's as I'm writing this. Yes, write, not type (unless you want to get me a laptop, I won't mind). Finished breakfast and to kill time I'm studying but when I reached the last chapter, a wave of emotions blew me off course.

Not very sure what brought this on, but if it's what I think it is, I'm falling back into that position again.

I'm so topsy turvy. Others played around when they were younger and settled down when they mature, but for me, hah. The longest time I had feelings for someone was my first crush back in primary school all the way to secondary. Four years. I know, weird.

Past couple of years haven't been good to me emotionally. It's like being on a superbly long roller coaster ride. There was even a point where I was tearing myself apart trying to choose between three very different individuals, one who's older, another of my age and one a couple of years younger. Stupid thing is, it's probably all only me. Solo tango dancer here, thank you very much.

Never in my life would I have thought I will fall for someone younger, so yes, I shocked myself too when I realised. I do still have some feelings for the boy, but I think it's for the wrong reasons.

A friend sent me a piece he was writing, on ambulance skirt chasers. How Guy falls for Girl, Girl gives mixed signals, Buy can't take it anymore and professes his feelings, Girl replies with a "Maybe". Oh how I understand how Guy feels.

Why do you like playing tug-of-war with my heartstrings?

(Oh, and did you know heartstrings are physical parts of your heart? Yup, it is possible to literally tug on people's heartstrings, but I hope you're their surgeon)

I'm rambling.

Happens when I have a truckload of thoughts going through my mind.

If only thinking of points to write for my assignments were this easy.

I've had thoughts of just running away from everything. Quit everything I'm in, make new social circles, a whole new life. But that's so unfair to others and hypocritical of me. Telling another to bear with it and evolve, but not doing it myself? Where can la.


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